Our First Project - A Random Act of Kindness

            In The Year of Living Joyfully my daughter has suggested a number of projects that when done will, hopefully, result in an experience of joy. This is a wonderful idea that shows a great deal of insight into the nature of depression.

Depressed people have a difficult time thinking about others. It is not, necessarily, that they are more self-centered than the average person. It is simply that it can seem like an impossible task to see beyond the borders of their own pain. Most depressed people withdraw into themselves and their world extends only to the outer edge of their anguish. When the blanket of sadness is covering us we sufferers tend to live our lives within our tormented selves.

The suggestion of doing a project that, if successful, will result in an experience of Joy is a great idea. It gets us moving and doing. It gets us out of just dwelling in our unhappy minds and into the world of other people. Movement is so important to the profoundly sad who otherwise can remain trapped and immobile. The Dalai Lama has said that “happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

But, not only was doing a project a terrific idea, so was the specific project that my daughter suggested. Understanding how hard it is for the depressed person to think about others, the first project in The Year of Living Joyfully was to do a Random Act of Kindness for another person. Focusing on being a blessing to others gives us an opportunity to be intentional about moving the center of our attention off of ourselves and our pain and thinking instead about someone else. That’s what I did yesterday.

My wife is joining me in the plan. For our first Random Act of Kindness project we decided to do something to bless a dear friend of ours from one our former churches. She and my wife were on the staff together at that church and has been a good and faithful friend for many years. When I started to think of who I might want to bless with an act of kindness she immediately came to mind.

So we went to the garden center at the local Kmart and bought a small, inexpensive pot of flowers. I’m not a plant guy, so I can’t say what kind of flowers we got her. But they were tall and had bright orange blossoms. As soon as I saw them they struck me as “happy flowers” and that seemed just right to be a blessing.

With flowers and pot in hand my wife and I headed off to our friends house.  We knocked on the door and when our friend saw us on her porch her face broke into a huge smile. She invited us in and after visiting for just a few minutes my wife and I went on our way. We weren’t there more than maybe ten minutes. But it was so clear that our friend was so very happy with our visit and the plant. It didn’t take much, an inexpensive little gift and a few minutes of time, and we succeeded in bringing Joy to another person. And, I’m sure you know the effect it had on me. It brought me Joy as well.

In his sermon this weekend a friend quoted Pastor Andy Stanley. “Direction, not intention, determines destination” (The Principle of the Path). That was my experience yesterday. When I moved toward Joy, actually did something that was intended to bring Joy – getting outside of myself and doing an act of kindness for another person – I had an experience of Joy.

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And So It Begins

     The official kick-off of my Year of Living Joyfully was two days ago on January 1. The idea was a good one - a new way of living to begin with the New Year. Sort of like a new year's resolution, but with a different twist. That different twist being the thoughtful, well-organized Plan for Joy that my daughter gave me for Christmas. After receiving the gift from her a few days before Christmas I  looked forward to the New Year and the kick-off with excited anticipation. This was going to be great!

     It did not begin well.

     The last few days of 2012 saw me sliding down into a deeper that usual sadness. A deep, almost paralyzing darkness enveloped me. I felt disconnected from God to the point of doubting if I have a real relationship with him at all. My wife and I fought with each other, which we don't do all that often. Neither she nor God seemed much like friends to me. I felt distant and lost. The only thing that seemed close was my despair that was all around and through me.

     Not a great way to begin a Year of Living Joyfully.

     I did, on the 1st, open up the Plan. The first assignment was to read a verse from the prophet Isaiah, one of my daughter's favorite verses, which is a prophecy of what Jesus would come to do. The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound (Isaiah 61:1). Then, having read this verse I was to think of one thing that day that had brought me Joy and record it in the journal.

     I couldn't. I couldn't think of one thing that had brought me Joy that day. And, even more, as I read the verse two or three times, I felt even farther away from Joy than ever. I didn't feel like any of those things were true for me. I was poor (in spirit), I was brokenhearted, I was captive (to my sadness) and felt imprisoned. I felt worse after reading that announcement of Jesus' ministry because I felt like he had not done any of these things for me.

     Today, two days later, the paralyzing darkness has lifted some. I can see some light and I can move again. From today's vantage point I can see that those feelings I had of distance and loss, of abandonment, of despair, were just that, feelings. They were not reality. God has not left me, he's keep his promise to never leave me or forsake me. My wife is still with me, pulling for me, encouraging me, praying for me, loving me. Today, that prophecy about the ministry of Jesus does seem, at least a little, like a promise to me. Today I choose to believe that Jesus has brought good news for me, he is binding up my broken heart, he has set me free. And, my prayer, for today, is that I will live and walk in that reality. That's where I have found Joy today, in holding on to those truths from Bible, that Jesus has set me free so, regardless of what I feel, I am free indeed.

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This Is For You Dad

My Daughter's blog today addresses issues of depression, both hers and my profound sadness, a little of what it was like to be my daughter and her encouragement to me to seek Joy. It's a touching read and I hope you'll take the time to see for yourself.

Thank you Daughter: I love you, Dad


I was originally going to just e-mail this to my father but he has decided to go though the gift we gave in publicly on his blog.

So a little of back story. Depression is a terrible thing. I have struggled with bouts of it. Where I am tired, and apathetic and nothing seems to be important, or matter,or make me happy and the worst part of it for me is that I don't feel like this is a bad thing, because nothing really seems to matter. I just want to read and sleep. Reading takes me out of my world where nothing matters into a place where things do and people feel. The first time this hit me after we were married I did not realize how much it had altered my behavior until I saw how much it worried my husband. My depression is very manageable. Control stress, eat well, get enough sleep and I am usually fine.

My father has a much harder time managing what he calls his "profound sadness." Its hard to be the child of someone who rarely seem happy with you. I mean my dad did everything he could to let us know he loved us and he was proud of us. He never missed a single track meet. But there was the underlying current that none of this was enough to be happy. As an adult I understand this much better and as a child I don't think I was aware of it as it was pretty much a constant, but it makes my heart break for him. So I put together a little appointment style calendar with bible verses, questions, and random acts of kindness that I hoped would help him discover how to choose to be joyful even when sadness seems to be the only real option. You see it is my belief that joy is different than happiness. Joy is one of the fruit of the spirit according to the list in Galatians. This means Joy comes from God. It is something that is there despite, or perhaps regardless of circumstances something you can choose to have if you only reach out for it.
Read the rest of my daughter's blog at:

http://homegrownstrawberries.blogspot.com/2012/12/you-still-need-cough-suppressant.html#more


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