Our First Project - A Random Act of Kindness

            In The Year of Living Joyfully my daughter has suggested a number of projects that when done will, hopefully, result in an experience of joy. This is a wonderful idea that shows a great deal of insight into the nature of depression.

Depressed people have a difficult time thinking about others. It is not, necessarily, that they are more self-centered than the average person. It is simply that it can seem like an impossible task to see beyond the borders of their own pain. Most depressed people withdraw into themselves and their world extends only to the outer edge of their anguish. When the blanket of sadness is covering us we sufferers tend to live our lives within our tormented selves.

The suggestion of doing a project that, if successful, will result in an experience of Joy is a great idea. It gets us moving and doing. It gets us out of just dwelling in our unhappy minds and into the world of other people. Movement is so important to the profoundly sad who otherwise can remain trapped and immobile. The Dalai Lama has said that “happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

But, not only was doing a project a terrific idea, so was the specific project that my daughter suggested. Understanding how hard it is for the depressed person to think about others, the first project in The Year of Living Joyfully was to do a Random Act of Kindness for another person. Focusing on being a blessing to others gives us an opportunity to be intentional about moving the center of our attention off of ourselves and our pain and thinking instead about someone else. That’s what I did yesterday.

My wife is joining me in the plan. For our first Random Act of Kindness project we decided to do something to bless a dear friend of ours from one our former churches. She and my wife were on the staff together at that church and has been a good and faithful friend for many years. When I started to think of who I might want to bless with an act of kindness she immediately came to mind.

So we went to the garden center at the local Kmart and bought a small, inexpensive pot of flowers. I’m not a plant guy, so I can’t say what kind of flowers we got her. But they were tall and had bright orange blossoms. As soon as I saw them they struck me as “happy flowers” and that seemed just right to be a blessing.

With flowers and pot in hand my wife and I headed off to our friends house.  We knocked on the door and when our friend saw us on her porch her face broke into a huge smile. She invited us in and after visiting for just a few minutes my wife and I went on our way. We weren’t there more than maybe ten minutes. But it was so clear that our friend was so very happy with our visit and the plant. It didn’t take much, an inexpensive little gift and a few minutes of time, and we succeeded in bringing Joy to another person. And, I’m sure you know the effect it had on me. It brought me Joy as well.

In his sermon this weekend a friend quoted Pastor Andy Stanley. “Direction, not intention, determines destination” (The Principle of the Path). That was my experience yesterday. When I moved toward Joy, actually did something that was intended to bring Joy – getting outside of myself and doing an act of kindness for another person – I had an experience of Joy.

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Walk in My Shoes

This is a really touching true story from my friend Tony at That Is All   

 

I worked at a homeless mission in Baltimore, Md. for a couple of years. I worked in the Development Office and helped to raise money for the place and the homeless men that sought help there. I found that I had a special place in my heart for the big fat guys that would show up. I can call them big fat guys because I am a big fat guy myself. It is kind of like Paris Hilton being allowed to call her friends bitches. Anyway, finding clothes and such for big fat guys was much tougher than you might think. You see, most big fat guys wear their clothes until they wear out regardless of their position in life. That is because comfortable and acceptably stylish big fat guy clothing is hard to find and tends to be pricey as well. So, when big fat guys find clothes that they can wear, they don’t just wear them, they wear them out. The same thing goes for big fat guys shoes too. Especially shoes. Big fat guys put shoes to the test. Even the best shoes do not tend to last long when it comes to big fat guys. That being the case, seldom did we get donations to address the needs of my big fat brothers. I was always on the lookout though and would get a little crafty at times to get the big fat guys what they needed. I never could get them what they wanted it seemed, but I could usually find a way to get them what they needed. Until one afternoon. I helped one guy find what he wanted and get what he needed. So did I.

My office was usually dark. One reason for that is that I did a lot of work on computers and it was easier to see the screen when the lights were dim. The other reason is that I don’t like people as a rule, and if the lights were off, people were less likely to come into your office and bother you. (That is because most people are lazy- one of the reasons that I don’t like people. I will save that for another day though before this blog spins completely out of control.) I relied on the light coming in from my doorway to give me the light that I needed to look like I was working while I was usually on the internet keeping updated on profootballtalk.net. That is exactly what I was doing one afternoon when all of the sudden it got dark. I looked up at the door to my office and saw a giant pair of sweatpants, a giant sweat shirt, and half of a face blocking my light. That is not something that you see every day. Even in a homeless shelter. Before I could think of anything to say, the half of a face started talking to me. It said, “Are you Mr. Tony? I said, “Yes I am. You can call me Tony. What can I do for you?” He said, “Some people told me that I should come see you because you might be able to help me.” I asked him, “What do you need?” “Shoes.” he said.

I looked at his feet and the first thing I noticed was that they were the biggest feet I had ever seen in my life. The second thing I noticed was that this brother was wearing not one pair, but two pairs of shoes on his big fat guy feet. He had two pairs of different shoes that he had cut up, spliced into one giant shoe for each foot, and then taped back together with packing tape and duct tape to make one pair of shoes that would fit. Damn!

I asked him to come in and sit down. He ducked under the doorway, hobbled over to a chair and sat down. I was amazed that he was able to fit in the chair and that it held him. It did creaked a little bit though. He looked rough. Right off the street for a few days, withdraw from whatever he was hooked on had already started to kick in. He was hurting. He told me that his feet were hurting him so badly that he could hardly walk. They had blisters and sores all over them. His shoes made his back hurt too. He had been wearing them for months. He started to say something else but then he started to cry. And I watched. I watched this 6’10, 400 something pound shell of a man with two pairs of shoes on his one pair of feet cry. He told me a lot about himself. I told him a lot about me. The only difference between me and this man were some inches and some pounds and our names really. He learned that I had walked in his shoes, or at least one pair of his two pairs of shoes, before. I asked him what size his feet were. He told me size 17EEE, but 18’s would work too and he could squeeze into 16’s for sure. I told him that I had no idea how to get shoes that big. But I would try. I asked him if he prayed. He said prayer never seemed to work for him because he really didn’t know how to pray. He could never remember the prayers he was taught. I said, “Right now, you and I are going to pray for shoes, because unless Jonathan Ogden walks in here and puts them on my desk, I have no idea how to get them for you. And since you don’t know how to pray you can just repeat after me.” And that is what we did. “Dear God, I need your help. I think I need a pair of shoes. If I really do need a pair of shoes can you help me find them? Amen.”

“That’s it?” He asked. I said, “Yep, that’s it. Now let’s see what happens.” He got up, shook my hand and hobbled out with his two pairs of shoes on one pair of feet and a little shot of hope that he did not have when he walked in.

Now it was my turn. I sat down in my chair. My eyes started leaking a little. I felt his pain and despair. I had known that once. I had been at a point where I had only hoped for hope before. I had no idea what to do. I needed help. I try to practice what I preach, so I prayed. “God, It's Tony again. Listen, I am out on a limb here and I got nothing to stand on. I will be needing your help with this one if that is possible. Amen.” That is how I pray these days. I pray like that because it works for me. Then I started thinking, despite the fact that when I think trouble seems to ensue pretty quickly. I was thinking of a plea to the shoe companies or calling some big fat guy stores and seeing if they had any size 17 EEE’s gathering dust. I was halfway through another potential big fat guys shoe scheme when my phone started ringing. I couldn’t answer it because I had to find this big fat guy some shoes, but I hate a ringing phone. So I picked it up just to stop it from ringing. I am insane like that sometimes. Especially when I am thinking.

Read the rest of the story at That Is All

http://www.thatisallpage.blogspot.com/2013/01/walk-in-my-shoes.html

And So It Begins

     The official kick-off of my Year of Living Joyfully was two days ago on January 1. The idea was a good one - a new way of living to begin with the New Year. Sort of like a new year's resolution, but with a different twist. That different twist being the thoughtful, well-organized Plan for Joy that my daughter gave me for Christmas. After receiving the gift from her a few days before Christmas I  looked forward to the New Year and the kick-off with excited anticipation. This was going to be great!

     It did not begin well.

     The last few days of 2012 saw me sliding down into a deeper that usual sadness. A deep, almost paralyzing darkness enveloped me. I felt disconnected from God to the point of doubting if I have a real relationship with him at all. My wife and I fought with each other, which we don't do all that often. Neither she nor God seemed much like friends to me. I felt distant and lost. The only thing that seemed close was my despair that was all around and through me.

     Not a great way to begin a Year of Living Joyfully.

     I did, on the 1st, open up the Plan. The first assignment was to read a verse from the prophet Isaiah, one of my daughter's favorite verses, which is a prophecy of what Jesus would come to do. The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound (Isaiah 61:1). Then, having read this verse I was to think of one thing that day that had brought me Joy and record it in the journal.

     I couldn't. I couldn't think of one thing that had brought me Joy that day. And, even more, as I read the verse two or three times, I felt even farther away from Joy than ever. I didn't feel like any of those things were true for me. I was poor (in spirit), I was brokenhearted, I was captive (to my sadness) and felt imprisoned. I felt worse after reading that announcement of Jesus' ministry because I felt like he had not done any of these things for me.

     Today, two days later, the paralyzing darkness has lifted some. I can see some light and I can move again. From today's vantage point I can see that those feelings I had of distance and loss, of abandonment, of despair, were just that, feelings. They were not reality. God has not left me, he's keep his promise to never leave me or forsake me. My wife is still with me, pulling for me, encouraging me, praying for me, loving me. Today, that prophecy about the ministry of Jesus does seem, at least a little, like a promise to me. Today I choose to believe that Jesus has brought good news for me, he is binding up my broken heart, he has set me free. And, my prayer, for today, is that I will live and walk in that reality. That's where I have found Joy today, in holding on to those truths from Bible, that Jesus has set me free so, regardless of what I feel, I am free indeed.

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