Our First Project - A Random Act of Kindness

            In The Year of Living Joyfully my daughter has suggested a number of projects that when done will, hopefully, result in an experience of joy. This is a wonderful idea that shows a great deal of insight into the nature of depression.

Depressed people have a difficult time thinking about others. It is not, necessarily, that they are more self-centered than the average person. It is simply that it can seem like an impossible task to see beyond the borders of their own pain. Most depressed people withdraw into themselves and their world extends only to the outer edge of their anguish. When the blanket of sadness is covering us we sufferers tend to live our lives within our tormented selves.

The suggestion of doing a project that, if successful, will result in an experience of Joy is a great idea. It gets us moving and doing. It gets us out of just dwelling in our unhappy minds and into the world of other people. Movement is so important to the profoundly sad who otherwise can remain trapped and immobile. The Dalai Lama has said that “happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

But, not only was doing a project a terrific idea, so was the specific project that my daughter suggested. Understanding how hard it is for the depressed person to think about others, the first project in The Year of Living Joyfully was to do a Random Act of Kindness for another person. Focusing on being a blessing to others gives us an opportunity to be intentional about moving the center of our attention off of ourselves and our pain and thinking instead about someone else. That’s what I did yesterday.

My wife is joining me in the plan. For our first Random Act of Kindness project we decided to do something to bless a dear friend of ours from one our former churches. She and my wife were on the staff together at that church and has been a good and faithful friend for many years. When I started to think of who I might want to bless with an act of kindness she immediately came to mind.

So we went to the garden center at the local Kmart and bought a small, inexpensive pot of flowers. I’m not a plant guy, so I can’t say what kind of flowers we got her. But they were tall and had bright orange blossoms. As soon as I saw them they struck me as “happy flowers” and that seemed just right to be a blessing.

With flowers and pot in hand my wife and I headed off to our friends house.  We knocked on the door and when our friend saw us on her porch her face broke into a huge smile. She invited us in and after visiting for just a few minutes my wife and I went on our way. We weren’t there more than maybe ten minutes. But it was so clear that our friend was so very happy with our visit and the plant. It didn’t take much, an inexpensive little gift and a few minutes of time, and we succeeded in bringing Joy to another person. And, I’m sure you know the effect it had on me. It brought me Joy as well.

In his sermon this weekend a friend quoted Pastor Andy Stanley. “Direction, not intention, determines destination” (The Principle of the Path). That was my experience yesterday. When I moved toward Joy, actually did something that was intended to bring Joy – getting outside of myself and doing an act of kindness for another person – I had an experience of Joy.

Please share Heart Matters with your family and friends, and, if you haven't already done so, please "like" our page on facebook.

We use third party advertisements on heartmattersbms.blogspot.com to support our site. Some of these advertisers may use technology such as cookies and web beacons when they advertise on our site, which will also send these advertisers (such as Google through the Google AdSense program) information including your IP address, your ISP , the browser you used to visit our site, and in some cases, whether you have Flash installed. This is generally used for geotargeting purposes (showing New York real estate ads to someone in New York, for example) or showing certain ads based on specific sites visited (such as showing cooking ads to someone who frequents cooking sites).

You can chose to disable or selectively turn off our cookies or third-party cookies in your browser settings, or by managing preferences in programs such as Norton Internet Security. However, this can affect how you are able to interact with our site as well as other websites. This could include the inability to login to services or programs, such as logging into forums or accounts. 

 

Walk in My Shoes

This is a really touching true story from my friend Tony at That Is All   

 

I worked at a homeless mission in Baltimore, Md. for a couple of years. I worked in the Development Office and helped to raise money for the place and the homeless men that sought help there. I found that I had a special place in my heart for the big fat guys that would show up. I can call them big fat guys because I am a big fat guy myself. It is kind of like Paris Hilton being allowed to call her friends bitches. Anyway, finding clothes and such for big fat guys was much tougher than you might think. You see, most big fat guys wear their clothes until they wear out regardless of their position in life. That is because comfortable and acceptably stylish big fat guy clothing is hard to find and tends to be pricey as well. So, when big fat guys find clothes that they can wear, they don’t just wear them, they wear them out. The same thing goes for big fat guys shoes too. Especially shoes. Big fat guys put shoes to the test. Even the best shoes do not tend to last long when it comes to big fat guys. That being the case, seldom did we get donations to address the needs of my big fat brothers. I was always on the lookout though and would get a little crafty at times to get the big fat guys what they needed. I never could get them what they wanted it seemed, but I could usually find a way to get them what they needed. Until one afternoon. I helped one guy find what he wanted and get what he needed. So did I.

My office was usually dark. One reason for that is that I did a lot of work on computers and it was easier to see the screen when the lights were dim. The other reason is that I don’t like people as a rule, and if the lights were off, people were less likely to come into your office and bother you. (That is because most people are lazy- one of the reasons that I don’t like people. I will save that for another day though before this blog spins completely out of control.) I relied on the light coming in from my doorway to give me the light that I needed to look like I was working while I was usually on the internet keeping updated on profootballtalk.net. That is exactly what I was doing one afternoon when all of the sudden it got dark. I looked up at the door to my office and saw a giant pair of sweatpants, a giant sweat shirt, and half of a face blocking my light. That is not something that you see every day. Even in a homeless shelter. Before I could think of anything to say, the half of a face started talking to me. It said, “Are you Mr. Tony? I said, “Yes I am. You can call me Tony. What can I do for you?” He said, “Some people told me that I should come see you because you might be able to help me.” I asked him, “What do you need?” “Shoes.” he said.

I looked at his feet and the first thing I noticed was that they were the biggest feet I had ever seen in my life. The second thing I noticed was that this brother was wearing not one pair, but two pairs of shoes on his big fat guy feet. He had two pairs of different shoes that he had cut up, spliced into one giant shoe for each foot, and then taped back together with packing tape and duct tape to make one pair of shoes that would fit. Damn!

I asked him to come in and sit down. He ducked under the doorway, hobbled over to a chair and sat down. I was amazed that he was able to fit in the chair and that it held him. It did creaked a little bit though. He looked rough. Right off the street for a few days, withdraw from whatever he was hooked on had already started to kick in. He was hurting. He told me that his feet were hurting him so badly that he could hardly walk. They had blisters and sores all over them. His shoes made his back hurt too. He had been wearing them for months. He started to say something else but then he started to cry. And I watched. I watched this 6’10, 400 something pound shell of a man with two pairs of shoes on his one pair of feet cry. He told me a lot about himself. I told him a lot about me. The only difference between me and this man were some inches and some pounds and our names really. He learned that I had walked in his shoes, or at least one pair of his two pairs of shoes, before. I asked him what size his feet were. He told me size 17EEE, but 18’s would work too and he could squeeze into 16’s for sure. I told him that I had no idea how to get shoes that big. But I would try. I asked him if he prayed. He said prayer never seemed to work for him because he really didn’t know how to pray. He could never remember the prayers he was taught. I said, “Right now, you and I are going to pray for shoes, because unless Jonathan Ogden walks in here and puts them on my desk, I have no idea how to get them for you. And since you don’t know how to pray you can just repeat after me.” And that is what we did. “Dear God, I need your help. I think I need a pair of shoes. If I really do need a pair of shoes can you help me find them? Amen.”

“That’s it?” He asked. I said, “Yep, that’s it. Now let’s see what happens.” He got up, shook my hand and hobbled out with his two pairs of shoes on one pair of feet and a little shot of hope that he did not have when he walked in.

Now it was my turn. I sat down in my chair. My eyes started leaking a little. I felt his pain and despair. I had known that once. I had been at a point where I had only hoped for hope before. I had no idea what to do. I needed help. I try to practice what I preach, so I prayed. “God, It's Tony again. Listen, I am out on a limb here and I got nothing to stand on. I will be needing your help with this one if that is possible. Amen.” That is how I pray these days. I pray like that because it works for me. Then I started thinking, despite the fact that when I think trouble seems to ensue pretty quickly. I was thinking of a plea to the shoe companies or calling some big fat guy stores and seeing if they had any size 17 EEE’s gathering dust. I was halfway through another potential big fat guys shoe scheme when my phone started ringing. I couldn’t answer it because I had to find this big fat guy some shoes, but I hate a ringing phone. So I picked it up just to stop it from ringing. I am insane like that sometimes. Especially when I am thinking.

Read the rest of the story at That Is All

http://www.thatisallpage.blogspot.com/2013/01/walk-in-my-shoes.html

And So It Begins

     The official kick-off of my Year of Living Joyfully was two days ago on January 1. The idea was a good one - a new way of living to begin with the New Year. Sort of like a new year's resolution, but with a different twist. That different twist being the thoughtful, well-organized Plan for Joy that my daughter gave me for Christmas. After receiving the gift from her a few days before Christmas I  looked forward to the New Year and the kick-off with excited anticipation. This was going to be great!

     It did not begin well.

     The last few days of 2012 saw me sliding down into a deeper that usual sadness. A deep, almost paralyzing darkness enveloped me. I felt disconnected from God to the point of doubting if I have a real relationship with him at all. My wife and I fought with each other, which we don't do all that often. Neither she nor God seemed much like friends to me. I felt distant and lost. The only thing that seemed close was my despair that was all around and through me.

     Not a great way to begin a Year of Living Joyfully.

     I did, on the 1st, open up the Plan. The first assignment was to read a verse from the prophet Isaiah, one of my daughter's favorite verses, which is a prophecy of what Jesus would come to do. The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound (Isaiah 61:1). Then, having read this verse I was to think of one thing that day that had brought me Joy and record it in the journal.

     I couldn't. I couldn't think of one thing that had brought me Joy that day. And, even more, as I read the verse two or three times, I felt even farther away from Joy than ever. I didn't feel like any of those things were true for me. I was poor (in spirit), I was brokenhearted, I was captive (to my sadness) and felt imprisoned. I felt worse after reading that announcement of Jesus' ministry because I felt like he had not done any of these things for me.

     Today, two days later, the paralyzing darkness has lifted some. I can see some light and I can move again. From today's vantage point I can see that those feelings I had of distance and loss, of abandonment, of despair, were just that, feelings. They were not reality. God has not left me, he's keep his promise to never leave me or forsake me. My wife is still with me, pulling for me, encouraging me, praying for me, loving me. Today, that prophecy about the ministry of Jesus does seem, at least a little, like a promise to me. Today I choose to believe that Jesus has brought good news for me, he is binding up my broken heart, he has set me free. And, my prayer, for today, is that I will live and walk in that reality. That's where I have found Joy today, in holding on to those truths from Bible, that Jesus has set me free so, regardless of what I feel, I am free indeed.

Please share Heart Matters with your family and friends, and, if you haven't already done so, please "like" our page on facebook.

We use third party advertisements on heartmattersbms.blogspot.com to support our site. Some of these advertisers may use technology such as cookies and web beacons when they advertise on our site, which will also send these advertisers (such as Google through the Google AdSense program) information including your IP address, your ISP , the browser you used to visit our site, and in some cases, whether you have Flash installed. This is generally used for geotargeting purposes (showing New York real estate ads to someone in New York, for example) or showing certain ads based on specific sites visited (such as showing cooking ads to someone who frequents cooking sites).

You can chose to disable or selectively turn off our cookies or third-party cookies in your browser settings, or by managing preferences in programs such as Norton Internet Security. However, this can affect how you are able to interact with our site as well as other websites. This could include the inability to login to services or programs, such as logging into forums or accounts.

This Is For You Dad

My Daughter's blog today addresses issues of depression, both hers and my profound sadness, a little of what it was like to be my daughter and her encouragement to me to seek Joy. It's a touching read and I hope you'll take the time to see for yourself.

Thank you Daughter: I love you, Dad


I was originally going to just e-mail this to my father but he has decided to go though the gift we gave in publicly on his blog.

So a little of back story. Depression is a terrible thing. I have struggled with bouts of it. Where I am tired, and apathetic and nothing seems to be important, or matter,or make me happy and the worst part of it for me is that I don't feel like this is a bad thing, because nothing really seems to matter. I just want to read and sleep. Reading takes me out of my world where nothing matters into a place where things do and people feel. The first time this hit me after we were married I did not realize how much it had altered my behavior until I saw how much it worried my husband. My depression is very manageable. Control stress, eat well, get enough sleep and I am usually fine.

My father has a much harder time managing what he calls his "profound sadness." Its hard to be the child of someone who rarely seem happy with you. I mean my dad did everything he could to let us know he loved us and he was proud of us. He never missed a single track meet. But there was the underlying current that none of this was enough to be happy. As an adult I understand this much better and as a child I don't think I was aware of it as it was pretty much a constant, but it makes my heart break for him. So I put together a little appointment style calendar with bible verses, questions, and random acts of kindness that I hoped would help him discover how to choose to be joyful even when sadness seems to be the only real option. You see it is my belief that joy is different than happiness. Joy is one of the fruit of the spirit according to the list in Galatians. This means Joy comes from God. It is something that is there despite, or perhaps regardless of circumstances something you can choose to have if you only reach out for it.
Read the rest of my daughter's blog at:

http://homegrownstrawberries.blogspot.com/2012/12/you-still-need-cough-suppressant.html#more


We  use third party advertisements on heartmattersbms.blogspot.com to support our site. Some of these advertisers may use technology such as cookies and web beacons when they advertise on our site, which will also send these advertisers (such as Google through the Google AdSense program) information including your IP address, your ISP , the browser you used to visit our site, and in some cases, whether you have Flash installed. This is generally used for geotargeting purposes (showing New York real estate ads to someone in New York, for example) or showing certain ads based on specific sites visited (such as showing cooking ads to someone who frequents cooking sites).

You can chose to disable or selectively turn off our cookies or third-party cookies in your browser settings, or by managing preferences in programs such as Norton Internet Security. However, this can affect how you are able to interact with our site as well as other websites. This could include the inability to login to services or programs, such as logging into forums or accounts.

Today's Been a Hard One

     The actual instructions in my Year of Living Joyfully journal say, "Joy is something that is hard to find all the time the way we should. It seems to come and go with happiness and circumstances. It is our hope that you will always choose Joy. Take time every day to remember your blessings and how great a God we serve and record at least one thing that brings you joy each day."

     Today's been one of those days when unhappy circumstances have made seeing something in which to take Joy difficult. You know, it's been one of "those" days - tough parenting situations, rude drivers, plans that refused to fall into place, and yucky weather. It's been a day when it would easy too let melancholy overtake me or else try to escape into earthly pleasures. But I know that neither of things are a good idea.

     So finding Joy today is going to take some intentional effort - but that's what this project is all about, being intentional about finding Joy and putting some work into it when necessary. (Doesn't that sound oxymoronic - working at finding Joy? But maybe it's not. Something to think about.)

     First I went to one of my favorite Psalms and was reminded that we are invited to "taste and see that the LORD is good! [And that], blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34:8). That's something to feel good about - God is good to us and will bless us if we take refuge in Him.

     Then I thought about my friend Nik who is having a birthday today. I don't get see Nik as often as I would like, but every time I do he puts a smile on my face, as do my memories and thoughts of him. So that's something I can take Joy in.

     Next I looked across the room and saw my wife sitting there and remember how much she loves me and how committed she is to my good. What a blessing she is to me.

     Finally, I remembered that even though I had several frustrating experiences today they weren't all frustrating. Several of the plans I had for today did actually work out. I think I'll choose to remember those that did work out and not think about the things that didn't.

     I do have some things to record in journal that brought me Joy today.This does kind of work.

Please share Heart Matters with your family and friends, and, if you haven't already done so, please our page on facebook.

Today I found Joy In ........

Part of my Year of Living Joyfully project is to look for something every day that brings me Joy.

Today I found Joy in having lunch with a very good friend.

Thank you Michael.

Joy - Our Deepest Desire

            In yesterday’s blog post I shared that in 2013 I’m going to attempt A Year of Living Joyfully. As a Christmas gift my daughter gave me a year long plan of Bible verses to meditate upon and projects to do that will point me toward Joy. I also shared that as a life-long sufferer from profound sadness (depression?) I was looking forward to see if this pursuit of Joy might turn out to be the antidote for which I’ve always longed.

            As I prepare for the official kick off of A Year of Living Joyfully next week on January 1 I’m spending this week thinking about Joy. What is it? Why is important? Is there something to Joy that’s more profound than just “feeling good?” Here are a couple of things I came across yesterday.

C.S. Lewis, in his book Surprised by Joy, wrote that Joy is “an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction." Lewis used Joy in a very specific sense. He did not think of Joy as just a synonym happiness, as many of us do. For him Joy was the deepest of all desires that could never be satisfied by any of the pleasures of this world – it as an other-worldly quality that can only be satisfied by an intimate encounter with God.

Another way of looking at it is that the desire for Joy was hardwired into humans at the time of our creation. It is part of being in the Image of God that our deepest longings are not for this world but are for God.

The 13^th Century theologian Thomas Aquinas wrote something similar, “Man cannot live without joy.” The desire for Joy is part of what it means to be human. But Aquinas also went on with the profound observation that when people do not find Joy from their relationship with God, then are then prone to start searching for Joy from the things of the world, things that can never really satisfy. “When man is deprived is true spiritual joys it is necessary that he become addicted to carnal pleasures.”

I know exactly what Aquinas was saying. As I’ve previously written, in my best moments, I’ve tried to treat my sadness with a variety of positive means – nutrition, exercise, meditation, spiritual disciplines, counseling, and medication. But there have been many times, when the sadness as been unbearable, in some of my worst moments, when I have turned to “carnal pleasures” in an attempt to escape – food, drink, unhealthy relationships, entertainment, to name a few. The results have almost always been dreadful.

This desire, no more than that, this need for Joy is not optional. It is a God-given thing designed to drive people, to drive me, toward him. Other things will not satisfy, not for long. It is the way people and the world were designed from the beginning. Ultimate Joy is only found him.

These are some of my thoughts today about what real Joy is and where it is found. What do you think about Joy?

 

Please share Heart Matters with your family and friends and please "like" the Heart Matters page on facebook. Thank you!